Richard had noticed that events were cowards: they didn't occur singly, but instead they would run in packs and leap out at him all at once. This is a very well-written and predictable book by Neil Gaiman. Richard is an office drone. Of course he is. And he's dating a go-getting, beautiful woman who doesn't love him for what he is, but sees "potential" and dreams about the man she can turn him into. You know the type. Scarlett Johansson from DON JON. And he's miserable, but pretends he's happy because... she's beautiful, I guess? Our first clue that he's a moron. And he's an orphan. Of course he is. One day, which seemed just like every other ordinary day, he and Girlfriend are walking to an important dinner with Important People whom Girlfriend really really wants to impress, when Richard stumbles upon a filthy, skinny young woman in rags who is bleeding profusely. Girlfriend is not sympathetic but Richard shows mercy Of course he does ...and takes her back to his apartment where he tends to her wounds. She is not from this world, but from another world, a darker and more dangerous world, hidden right beneath London's surface.... Of course. I know where this is going... And she's some sort of princess or something.... Of course... I am unsure if I have simply read too many books.
...
Too many books, or too many books by the talented Mr. Gaiman, but either way I saw 99% of the plot coming from 10 miles off.
Gaiman was constantly trying to shock me and surprise me. I was neither shocked nor surprised.
And I'm starting to think that Gaiman has just one plot, a plot that he uses over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again in each novel/story.
I've gotten used to his preferences. Like hidden worlds full of sinister and quirky characters. Orphans. Evil bad guys who talk and dress as if they are Victorian gentleman and are always referred to in some respectful way.
I'm not slamming Gaiman. He's an excellent storyteller - excellent. The book was fun, quick, and had great world-building. If only I hadn't seen all the characters before. If only I hadn't heard all the details of the plot before. I was disappointed in how little Gaiman was able to surprise me or interest me here.
PLUSES:
- If it's your first Gaiman book, you'll probably be blown away.
- Wonderful rat characters who are cute and charming.
- Amazing world-building.
- On-point dialogue, fun characters, a breezy, action-adventure movie type feel with that special Gaiman dark-but-not-really-dark feel thrown in.
- Is able to maintain a "dark fairytale" feel while included things like the word "f*ck" and used condom wrappers.
- Good ideas that he works into his writing, such as:
When he had first arrived, he had found London huge, odd, fundamentally incomprehensible, with only the Tube map, that elegant multicolored topographical display of underground railway lines and stations, giving it any semblance of order. Gradually he realized that the Tube map was a handy fiction that made life easier but bore no resemblance to the reality of the shape of the city above. It was like belonging to a political party, he thought once, proudly, and then, having tried to explain the resemblance between the Tube map and politics, at a party, to a cluster of bewildered strangers, he had decided in the future to leave political comment to others.
Or what about this:
He continued, slowly, by a process of osmosis and white knowledge (which is like white noise, only more useful), to comprehend the city,...
Isn't that interesting? It's such an interesting idea.
- Sometimes Gaiman is genuinely funny, usually when he's discussing sex.
The thin girl was gulping down one of Richard's bananas in what was, Richard reflected, the least erotic display of banana-eating he had ever seen.
Or how about this, this cracked me up:
A late-night couple, who had been slowly walking along the Embankment toward them, holding hands, sat down in the middle of the bench, between Richard and Anaestheisa, and commenced to kiss each other, passionately. "Excuse me," said Richard to them. The man had his hand inside the woman's sweater and was moving it around enthusiastically, a lone traveler discovering an unexplored continent. "I want my life back," Richard told the couple.
"I love you," said the man to the woman.
"But your wife - "she said, licking the side of his face.
"f*ck her," said the man.
"Don' wanna f*ck HER," said the woman, and she giggled, drunkenly. "Wanna f*ck YOU..." She put a hand on his crotch and giggled some more.
I found this very funny.
MINUSES:
- Pathetic man-child hero who is supposed to go from zero to hero, but instead goes from zero to perhaps a zero-point-five. Starts off as a worthless noodle, ends up being a worthless potato. Slightly harder, more nutritious, but basically still brainless and not worth much.
- The book is very predictable.
- The book, being a "dark fairy tale" like the majority of Gaiman's books, can be a little cutesy and trite at times.
- Gaiman often tries too hard. I found his evil Victorian gentleman villains to be a LITTLE too dramatic and over-the-top for my tastes. It's just...
It was too consistent, to steady and inexorable a walk to be described as a stroll: Death walked like Mr. Vandemar.
Oh, yes. He walked like death. Uh-huh. Please make some attempt to control yourself, Mr. Gaiman. I can handle the sharp teeth and long black coats and eating pigeons and all that other crap, but there has to be some end to the hyperbole, surely?
- Not only does he try too hard in the writing (occasionally) but some of the jokes are just... COME ON. We have De Carabas stealing candy from a baby at one point. LITERALLY. Stealing candy from a baby. Isn't that a bit much? I think it's a bit much. There's no other reason to do it than to show what kind of man De Carabas is.
This is the kind of thing I'm dealing with here.
Or "Mind the Gap." You know, that sign by the train that says, "Mind the gap"? And in this book the "gap" is actually this wraith-like thing that comes out of that space and tries to kill you or eat you or something.
You know. Like Alice in Wonderland jokes. There's a lot of Alice in Wonderland type jokes in here.
You should see how Gaiman takes paragraphs (PARAGRAPHS) to lovingly and carefully set up a "the penny has dropped" joke. It's... Well... Not too funny, IMO.
Or what about when Gaiman has Richard go up to Jessica, and - to prove that he knows her - say,
"You're Jessica Bartram. You're a marketing executive at Stocktons. You're twenty-six. Your birthday is April the 23rd, and in the throes of extreme passion you have a tendency to hum the Monkees song "I'm a Believer"...."
Listen, I see what Gaiman is trying to do. He thinks that a woman who hums "I'm a Believer" when she's having sex is funny. But the whole idea is ludicrous. If you are "in the throes of extreme passion" you should be unable to hum anything. Or, ideally, be unable to even form coherent thought. The whole idea is ridiculous to the point where it wasn't funny to me.
You think THAT'S ridiculous in a book about beasts living in sewers and angels and vampires and etc.?
Yes.
Okay. Weirdo.
- The ending. I mean, SO PREDICTABLE. The
But perhaps what upsets me most about the ending is that he's supposed to be transformed from a man-child or a pasty untested office drone or a slave to the Matrix or what-have-you into a strong, capable, competent man and I just DID NOT BUY this. I'm not buying it. Not to mention that I'm still EXTREMELY angry with Richard for f*cking hell, it was like he didn't even... I mean, f*ck. He should have DONE SOMETHING. He just accepted like it was nothing. Am I supposed to be OKAY with this sh*t? Am I supposed to be okay that he didn't fight for her? No, I'm not okay with this. f*ck that.
- Oh, and he's a moron. Richard is a huge moron throughout the book. And he never gets any smarter. To my intense dismay. I find it hard to respect or admire someone so stupid.
...
Tl;dr - In conclusion: An excellent story wonderfully told by a master storyteller.
Unfortunately, due to me having read too many books or perhaps too many books by this particular author, I was not as impressed as I had hoped to be.
Still, a great dark fairy tale with rich and deep worldbuilding and fascinating ideas.
